It’s never enough. No matter what you do there’s never enough time.
It’s like the older I get there’s seriously less time in the day. I get further into my education, there’s more homework, more pressure, more time focused on my studies when it’s needed elsewhere. I get further in my career but there’s more tasks to complete, more weight on my shoulders.
My kids move into the next grade level, there’s more homework and more after school dance rehearsals or sports to get to. Which also means more take out and less money, which leads to more late nights of my own homework and before I know it everything is piled up. Laundry, bills, unfinished tasks, messages and missed calls that never receive that response I meant to type or that call I forgot to make. Kind of like the blogs that never leave the boundaries of my mind only to be forgotten because I didn’t have time to write the moment the feeling hit me.
Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to co-parent. More now then before.
To be able to have that parenting partner I could ask to take the kids to a football practice or dance rehearsal so I can type that essay or study for that big final. I mean I know I’m not the only one but it’s lonely. Being the only parent. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining nor am I looking for pity or pats on the back. I’m no damsel nor am I super woman. When I say it gets lonely I mean the nights that are longer than the days because I have so much to get done for the three of us. If I don’t no one will but there’s SO much to get done that I don’t know that o will ever get it all finished.
I don’t want to party or neglect my children in anyway, those two babies have taught me what it means to truly love another. I just want to read a book from beginning to end, maybe make it through a semester without stress crying, have someone that could pay attention to my kids or help them with homework when I can’t because I have to work or have a night class. I want to be able to take them on vacations and show them the world but we can’t. I want the partnership that some people have in a co-parenting relationship, someone to say “I got it” when I can’t.
I hate the nights that both of them have a rehearsal or practice and one has to outweigh the other because I can’t be at both. Then there’s that thing I hate even more than those nights, it’s the times when my children have all these activities they want to be a part of but I have to watch them cry and choose which one they want to do the most because mama’s a single parent/ college student/ self-employed person who just doesn’t have the time to devote to a relationship because like them I always have to choose and messages go without replies. It’s hard. It could be easier with that partnership but who the f**k has the time??
Just a thought… didn’t want it to get put in the pile.