Okay it wasn’t a bar, it was my life. All three of them different in their own way but all the same, each flipping my life on its axis and walking away fully intact. Every time seemed like a new journey but it wasn’t, I only had a new passenger.
But that’s what dating is I guess, a routine thing. We meet someone, we smile, we laugh, we stick around, or we move on in search of our next passenger. It always hurts but we also alway heal.
Anyways, the three guys… I won’t include their names, two of them encouraged me to start this blog and the third doesn’t know about it. In fact, the only three people who know about my blog are three of my ex-boyfriends, that doesn’t mean they read it but I would like to think they can at least keep this between us.
If you have read any of my previous posts then you have read about two of the three already, one a businessman and the other a sheriff.
The “businessman” is the one I met in fourth grade… asshole came in class spouting off the answers to every math problem Mrs. Davidson put on the projector like he was some big shot. Then he did the same thing back in December when him and that smile of his walked in my apartment, only this time he had all the right answers and the problems were mine.
He was the person I could literally tell anything to and he wouldn’t judge me. He would correct me if I was wrong and said “hell yea” when I did something right. Not that hillbilly kind of hell yea but the kind that said “good fucking idea”, it meant a lot and still does, or would.
He tought me about crypto, the stock market, and we would bounce ideas off one another on ways to make money. He was encouraging, comforting, and there was a chemistry between us I have never felt before. He felt good, he felt scary, he felt like forever. Then he decided he loved his ex.
He said we will be friends but he lied, everyone says that. The rekindling of their relationship had unforeseen insecurities and trust issues that restrict his ability to be friends with me. I want to say I understand but I don’t. Maybe it’s a maturity thing or my ability to separate business from pleasure but not everyone can, that part I understand.
Then there was the sheriff, complete the opposite of the business man but equally smart. His body, his mind, and kind heart are enough to make any woman want forever with him. But also someone I could tell everything to.
After months of talking to this man at night and him being there every time I needed someone I had him on this pedestal. And I didn’t realize how much I liked him until the businessman tried to come back in my life. Apparently the ex wasn’t what he thought but my feelings for the sheriff were more than what I felt back in December, so I said no.
He went back to his ex, again, I stayed with the sheriff, they both turned us down. Go figure.
Right when I realized how much I cared for the sheriff he realized how much he didn’t care to be around me. Something had clicked and no matter what I did, I couldn’t change it. He said we would still be friends but we all know how that goes…
If I could change anything though I would change it all to be able to actually be friends with both of them. Drink beers with the businessman and yell at our computer screens as we watched the numbers go up and down on the exchange.
Or to be able sit and talk to the sheriff all night even if it meant we would never meet. Having someone you can count on is so much better and meaningful than a temporary fling where the person can’t stand to look at you. If it ever becomes too much though, missing her, let me know and I will bring the cookie dough.
I don’t know that it is a good thing, how the heart can heal over and over again. Because it can break just as quickly and there are too many people in this world for us to love just one.
Seems pointless now to tell you about third.