http://www.tripolypearl.com/our-poly-relationship/

Our Poly Relationship

 Before Us

Before our poly relationship, I made a trip up here. When I was 12 or 13, I can’t remember when exactly, I went to Indiana with my family for Thunder over Louisville. I loved it then too. There’s something about Indiana.

Sixteen years later I am now officially a resident of Indiana. I came up here a few months ago to meet Brian and Liz. I talk about it in my other blog poly blog posts. When I would come see them at the beginning of our poly relationship.

Homesick

Now I don’t even know how many times I have driven here or there. What once felt like a long ass drive is now a drive back home to visit. The drive gets shorter but I always stay too long. Really.. I like it here when I’m not homesick but I have never been this far away from my family. Some days it’s really hard. Typing it is even hard. It makes the knots form in my throat and fighting back the tears gives me a headache.

The Ups

I didn’t just fall for two people when I came up here. I fell in love with the city too. It’s not really the safest but it’s fucking beautiful. So, when my kids wanted to move here I was all for it.

They had a blast when I would bring them to visit. They even loved Brian and Liz too. So we started planning. I would search for houses and Brian and Liz would go check them out for me. They were more than helpful with it all.

Culture Shock

Things between me, Brian, and Liz aren’t what we had planned but they aren’t completely out of my plans yet. They have only ever known love and I don’t know how to love. So when I came up here things got a little rocky. Coming from a town that’s unincorporated and doesn’t have a single red light to here was a little bit of a culture shock.

The Downs

I didn’t know which way was which and I started to suffocate. I was spread too thin. They weren’t really suffocating me, it was everything. Moving two states away with two kids, trying to make a house a home, still give my kids a fun summer break, and make sure I didn’t neglect our poly relationship.

I was struggling. Constantly forcing myself to smile for my children, and make sure everyone got the attention they deserved. At times I had to fight the urge to cry because I was so homesick. There was too much pressure.

Our Poly Relationship

I moved knowing that we would all be closer together but I mainly moved so my children would have a better life. In a town with no red lights there’s not really too much for them to do for fun. Here there is something new everyday.

I don’t know what the future holds for the three of us or if our poly relationship will ever be mended. Only time will tell. Poly relationships aren’t easy and they take a lot of work. A triad is basically four relationships between three people. Seems like a lot when you think about it.

Regardless, I am still happy that I met them. I am happy to say we shared the things we have shared and I learned so much from them. It’s not often you see two people love each other the way that they do. Forever is rare and to them it comes natural.

Our Polyamorous Triad

Polyamorous relationships are still new to a lot of people. Most people outside of the poly community  don’t understand what it really means. Like monogamous ones, our polyamorous relationship has boundaries and expectations that partners will stay honest to their commitments.

Every relationship has boundaries. No one said they all have to be the same. It’s just whatever works for you and the ones you love. There’s really no perfect ‘how to’ reference on how to model any relationship.

I don’t think it’s possible to go through life and never feel the slightest bit of jealousy. Even if you’re not a “jealous person” its still bound to happen at some point in your life. Even on some subconscious  level.

But what about in a triad poly relationship? Not in the relationship but outside of it. Is that okay? Feels like a contradiction.

Brian and I have called each other out on it twice already. I don’t even remember the topic we were on when it happened but it is a little confusing to me. I mean this is my first poly relationship.

I’ve never thought much about jealousy unless someone was outrageously jealous. I mean come on… in monogamous relationships you sort of expect your partner not to show certain levels of affection to other ppl. Hints the monogamous part, it still astonishes some people. So if someone is getting jealous about their partner’s ‘not so committed actions’ it’s not really a thing you have to stop and question yourself about.

I’m sure someone will read this and say but how can you be jealous when you’re in a poly relationship?

Yes, I’m in a polyamorous relationship. Our’s is a triad relationship not open polyamorous relationship, they are different. I don’t feel any jealousy between the three of us at all.

Some people date openly, some people date separately, and some date other people together. Sure that’s true for us too but within the three of us. This triad is also long distance and I can only visit for a limited amount of time when I do go so right now it is mostly the three of us. Once circumstances change we will do more stuff separately.

I just don’t think I could handle adding people into this relationship. Dating others others outside of the three of us seems so different than what we have. Like these are my people, two of my favorite at that, and I don’t want to share. We are human and damn it we feel shit we have no control over. These emotions also feel like I’m contradicting myself. Maybe it only makes sense because Brian has spoken in his ‘not so jealous’ voice a time or two also. So I don’t feel so bad about it when I do it.

Yes our polyamorous relationship is a triad. That doesn’t mean we can’t have boundaries and commitments that we deem suitable for our relationship. Some people can handle open polyamorous and I’m not saying I can’t or that I see anything wrong with it. I’m just saying… My ‘not so jealous’ subconscious feels like it might not be comfortable having that sort of polyamorous relationship.

Poly Trips

This time last week I was getting ready to take my poly trip to meet Brian and LizAll the different emotions I was felling made the drive feel like I was on a rollercoaster the entire way up there. It was my first poly date.

Actually a double first poly date.I was completely frantic. I wasn’t just going on my first poly date with one of them but both. First dates are already intimidating to me and I usually find some way out of them at the last minute. This one was a triple threat to me. I had three first dates. It was my first poly date, my first date with Liz, and my first date with Brian. On top of that I drove three hours up there to meet them so that would have been a long drive just to abort mission and go back home.

I was nervous like I was Fergie going up for my second attempt at singing the national anthem. Just messy. 

This time around is different though. This is the second time I am getting ready to make the drive to them.  But now I am excited and cannot wait to get there. Just thinking about it makes me blush.

I can’t wait to see them in person and spend time with them. To be able to actually touch them and kiss them both.  I love talking everyday but this three-hour drive is not about  go by quick enough for me tomorrow. I will pass the time by listening to poly podcasts again probably.

The plan was originally to surprise Liz by coming up tomorrow but Brian got a little excited and let it slip…within thirty minutes. I couldn’t help but laugh. And make note of the fact that he can’t keep a secret. I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all though.

 

Echo Dot Kids Edition

 

 

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Poly Dating

Poly Dating

Poly dating is by far the best dating experience I have ever had. Having such an amazing experience with poly dating is mostly due to how absolutely fucking amazing Brian and Liz both are.

More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory

Both individually and their strengths as a couple with 20 years under them. The two of them have been so understanding and accommodating to me with this being my first poly relationship. It’s not their first experience with poly dating. It is still a learning experience for all three of us to see what works for everyone. Every relationship is different.

Monogamy

Poly dating has been completely different from any relationship or dating experience I have had before. I mean yeah obviously because they were all ‘monogamous’ but for other reasons than just that.

Before my journey started with poly dating I had never thought to stop and read a book on monogamous dating or ask different questions about the other person’s dating expectations before any sort of relationship had even really started. I just kind of went with the flow, almost always choosing what seemed to be the shittiest person that was sort of available, had a little bit of fun and then started the search over again.

But my experience with polyamorous dating has been so different. It has been better than any experience I have ever had and one that is a constant journey full of learning and self enlightenment. The relationships seem more supportive and couple eager to learn together.

 Poly Olive

The poly community has so many people who are willing to take the time to learn about what it really means to be in a polyamorous relationship. People want to learn what works and doesn’t work.  Maybe that’s one reason why my past relationships never worked. So many of them did not know what the term ‘monogamous’ meant…

Poly dating is not a ‘new thing’ but it’s still not perceived in a positive light by a majority of the population. It’s like when Olive first meets Elizabeth and William and she’s reserved at first. Then this happens and she wears that outfit with those accessories. Next thing we know there’s this confident Olive and her polyamorous lovers.

First Impressions

When I first met Liz I was a little sad when she told me she was married. This is only because of the online dating world’s over population in people who are only seeking a threesome. I’m talking about those people that approach you like you are a shelved sex toy waiting to be tossed back and forth between a husband and a wife twice your age. It even took me a few days to reply and actually have a conversation about what she was wanting. To think that I almost missed this chance… wow… let’s not even.

I have talked to both of them everyday since that night and can’t imagine a day without either one of them. I have said it before but these two really are perfect. Not perfect because they are flawless but like they were made to be a set of three and we have all been looking for each other in the wrong people. To meet two people equally intelligent, funny, and sexually adventurous is the most exciting and relaxing feeling I have ever experienced.

Poly Olive

They give me so much to look forward to. I love that both of them are so willing to learn and grow together as this companionship progresses. So many relationships fail because people get stuck in their ways and refuse to make changes that are sometimes necessary in relationships.

The Smart Girl’s Guide to Polyamory

To have people who love you in such a beautiful way and also want to help you grow mentally and grow with you is astounding. We are always sharing something with each other that we thought was notable from a book or online article poly dating. That’s one of my favorite things about them.

The past couple days I have had people messaging me about our relationship and saying such positive things. To have a person say our journey has given them hope is inspiring and makes my heart happier than I can put into words.

Along Came Poly

So I have always had this idea of what my future would be like. I’m talking about my ideal relationship. And for a long time I didn’t realize that my ideal future was poly. It really wasn’t until about a year ago that I learned about polyamorous relationships.

For me, my ideal relationship means waking up next to the loves of my life, two to be exact.

Sure, I have tried having monogamous relationships. I have dated women and men separately and I enjoyed it but there has always been something missing. I have always wanted something more. More passion, more sex, more conversation, more trust, more emotion, more of something.

Since as far back as I can remember I have always said I would love nothing more than to wake up with a man on one side and a woman on the other. And most people think threesome like my past relationships, no.

Before I even knew what polyamory was I wanted it. I wanted a companionship with both a man and woman who could equally love each other and me as much as I loved them.

Men and women love in very different ways. They have things the other doesn’t. I enjoy both and want both in my life. That’s why I say my ideal future is poly.

A polyamorous relationship provides a balance I want in life and out of love. It allows you to be loved in ways that only a man and only a woman are able to love, both with their unique qualities.

I have always wanted it and even tried to have this sort of companionship before in previous relationships but they were failed attempts or guys that just wanted to have a threesome. It has never been about that for me. I mean some people prefer the more open style dating, nothing wrong with that. Do you boo..

What I want for myself and my future is more than threesomes, hookups, or one-sided monogamy, meaningless dating. I want a companionship.

I met her online, something I never thought I would do because I am just way to shy and him not long after. They both are a shockingly amazing, brilliant, funny, sexy, and both fit the description I had for ideal partners. They are the love and balance I have always wanted.

I am going to see them this weekend and I am nervous as fuck but also can’t wait. Kind of thinking it’s going to be a long ass drive up there and then I’m going to be like of fuck I’m here and get nervous again. I am ready to be there though. I might not want to leave but they say that’s okay. They seem to be truly authentic people.

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Three guys walk into a bar

Okay it wasn’t a bar, it was my life. All three of them different in their own way but all the same, each flipping my life on its axis and walking away fully intact. Every time seemed like a new journey but it wasn’t, I only had a new passenger.

But that’s what dating is I guess, a routine thing. We meet someone, we smile, we laugh, we stick around, or we move on in search of our next passenger. It always hurts but we also alway heal.

Anyways, the three guys… I won’t include their names, two of them encouraged me to start this blog and the third doesn’t know about it. In fact, the only three people who know about my blog are three of my ex-boyfriends, that doesn’t mean they read it but I would like to think they can at least keep this between us.

If you have read any of my previous posts then you have read about two of the three already, one a businessman and the other a sheriff.

The “businessman” is the one I met in fourth grade… asshole came in class spouting off the answers to every math problem Mrs. Davidson put on the projector like he was some big shot. Then he did the same thing back in December when him and that smile of his walked in my apartment, only this time he had all the right answers and the problems were mine.

He was the person I could literally tell anything to and he wouldn’t judge me. He would correct me if I was wrong and said “hell yea” when I did something right. Not that hillbilly kind of hell yea but the kind that said “good fucking idea”, it meant a lot and still does, or would.

He tought me about crypto, the stock market, and we would bounce ideas off one another on ways to make money. He was encouraging, comforting, and there was a chemistry between us I have never felt before. He felt good, he felt scary, he felt like forever. Then he decided he loved his ex.

He said we will be friends but he lied, everyone says that. The rekindling of their relationship had unforeseen insecurities and trust issues that restrict his ability to be friends with me. I want to say I understand but I don’t. Maybe it’s a maturity thing or my ability to separate business from pleasure but not everyone can, that part I understand.

Then there was the sheriff, complete the opposite of the business man but equally smart. His body, his mind, and kind heart are enough to make any woman want forever with him. But also someone I could tell everything to.

After months of talking to this man at night and him being there every time I needed someone I had him on this pedestal. And I didn’t realize how much I liked him until the businessman tried to come back in my life. Apparently the ex wasn’t what he thought but my feelings for the sheriff were more than what I felt back in December, so I said no.

He went back to his ex, again, I stayed with the sheriff, they both turned us down. Go figure.

Right when I realized how much I cared for the sheriff he realized how much he didn’t care to be around me. Something had clicked and no matter what I did, I couldn’t change it. He said we would still be friends but we all know how that goes…

If I could change anything though I would change it all to be able to actually be friends with both of them. Drink beers with the businessman and yell at our computer screens as we watched the numbers go up and down on the exchange.

Or to be able sit and talk to the sheriff all night even if it meant we would never meet. Having someone you can count on is so much better and meaningful than a temporary fling where the person can’t stand to look at you. If it ever becomes too much though, missing her, let me know and I will bring the cookie dough.

I don’t know that it is a good thing, how the heart can heal over and over again. Because it can break just as quickly and there are too many people in this world for us to love just one.

Seems pointless now to tell you about third.

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It’s Dark Down Here, Alice.

Why is it so wrong to want change in a world that is constantly screaming for us to be that generation that makes a difference? They expect so much from us. Want so much from us. Except when it comes to actually screaming back, then we are rebellious.

They like us better silenced.

There’s only two days left in this godforsaken year of 2017 and I for one can’t wait for the freak show to end. On a previous post I said I should have never climbed into that back seat, I still feel that way, but ever since that my life has been one face plant after another.

No matter how hard I fought back or clawed my way out to finally be able to stand back up, the ground would crumble again. Each time I would cry a little harder and sleep a little less, my depression was slowly killing me and people automatically thought drugs but no. Drugs would have numbed me, relieved the pain but I couldn’t. I felt every painful second of this abysmal year.

It started with the rape. That word. No one likes that word. I usually say I was assaulted or sexually assaulted but that was the first time I said the actual word, well typed it. You know what I mean.

When I went to the police I understood why 80% of rape victims do the opposite, they stay silent. Only 20% actually ever go seek the help of law enforcement. As I am sitting there recounting every horrible second of that morning out loud, it was 4:05 a.m. when he finished, the investigator was apathetically writing away on his notepad.

The investigator never asked me if I was okay, he only asked me two questions. When I was done replaying that morning, I use that word hatefully because the only emotion the investigator displayed was the part where me being a victim made his microscopic man parts stand at attention, for him he asked me if “he came in me”. The second question was immediately after that when he asked me to proofread his report on what I was “claiming” so he said.

Alleging“, they always say that when someone has the strength to seek justice for what has been taken from them. It is never fully focused on justice for the victim. It’s always a victim has “allegedly” been raped and the focus is finding a way of proving the perpetrator’s not guilty. The victims are made out to be the guilty ones and the rapists become the victims. How dare a woman speak out and seek justice, apparently you’re not really supposed to listen to those help advertisements or believe that you’re entitled to saying who or what can enter your vagina, silly me (if you don’t sense the sarcasm in that then please take the nearest exit).

I have been called dumb for reporting it. I also have been asked why I waited to do so, I didn’t want people to act the exact way they have towards me. I have been harassed and slut shamed. I lost my job and had to withdrawal from school because of that sociopathic asshole. I have been told by law enforcement and a number of lawyers that our justice system does not give a fuck about rape victims. I was even told that if I only had more money I could get the justice I deserved. Guess my pussy doesn’t sit high enough on the social ladder to deserve justice.

Only one person in law enforcement exhibited empathy when he acknowledged the lack of justice there is for rape victims. He has become a valuable friend to me even though we have never met face-to-face. My other friends can’t talk about this, they can’t relate or don’t want to hear about it, it’s too depressing for them. I don’t recall how our friendship started but I am thankful for it, more than I can ever express.

The nightmares haunt me. Every time I sleep I’m facedown on his mattress again looking at that clock until it hits 4:05. I stay awake so my kids don’t hear me crying for help in my sleep. I don’t stay at anyone’s house because I’ve had people wake me up in a panic, they didn’t know what was wrong, I would be crying and screaming for help but stuck in my nightmare the whole time unable to wake up.

So I don’t sleep and my friend in law enforcement works third shift, maybe that’s why we get along, all the late night talks and games through text messaging help us both stay awake. He is there at night, his name on my phone, when I need it the most. He lets me know I’m not alone. He tells me to seek justice, to make a change, a difference yet he is the ONLY one.

Why is it treated like such a crime to want justice for rape victims? It’s treated like to talk about it, like it’s worse than the actual crime that was commited.

Drug of Choice

Okay let’s be real, most of us have had more than one sexual experience. I mean we are human and humans are sexual beings.  Not to mention you have about the same chances of winning the lottery as you do of finding an adult that is still a virgin, and no, the odds are not in your favor.

 

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via ia.media-imdb.com

 

Different sexual experiences always result in different connections we can have to others or the lack of. No person will ever feel the same as the last. Either way you felt something! There’s different levels to this shit, man.

I am twenty-eight years old and last night I had my first feeling of intensity. Not in terms of an intense orgasm but an intense sensual connection. Just touching his skin and kissing him in the simplest way was the most euphoric feeling I have ever experienced. It was terrifying yet cosmic. I could use a hundred words to describe it but not a single one or a combination of them all would be able to appropriately describe the feeling I am trying to convey in my writing.

I met him in the fourth grade. He moved here from Memphis, TN. I was no longer the best math student in our class, I despised him. Even at that young elementary school age I admired his confidence and his desire to learn. He was the genius kid and is now by far the most intelligent man I have known. His thirst for knowledge is never quenched. Conversations are never dull with him. The only time we are at a loss for words is when that feeling hits, euphoria.

This man is confident in who he is, he has worked hard and knows his shit yet grounded and humble. He is the stranger that feels like home in a crowded room. He is charismatic yet approachable and always wears a smile that will become your favorite drug. He is the type of person that so easily locks eyes with you every time he speaks to you because even in that way he is equally confident and comforting.

We will say ten, that was the age when I saw that spiky haired math wiz for the first time. We were in Mrs. Davidson’s class and he was the new kid answering math questions faster than I could raise my hand. Last night, 18 years later, he came to my apartment to show me how to do a job that I am drowning, I mean training for. The math wiz went to college for numbers and stocks and I am currently getting my bachelor’s in English and after that Law School.

I realized that numbers weren’t my thing but he has always had a way of making them sound amazing. I need proof, facts, something I can show to support and argument, I am an English major. He understands stock markets, economy, transparency in terms of money. I am not even sure if that is how I should word that but says to forget the word cryptocurrency because it builds a wall between me and my ability to understand the world of digital money.

We made it 18 years without the first kiss or skin-to-skin contact. We made it through our awkward years, bad relationships, highschool graduation, hardships and becoming single parents. Out brothers were even best friends, they died a year apart almost to the day, might have been exactly a year. I don’t know for sure and I don’t ask questions because I know how it feels when people bring up my brother’s death. Point is, he has always been a part of my life in some way but last night was the fist time we actually touched. He has always been right there in front of me but I don’t think either one of us thought about actually trying until this year.

It’s like when you’re sick and you google the symptoms. The feeling was so intense that I had to pull out my Macbook today and research it to see if anyone else had felt it. I mean I could tell he did, I didn’t have to ask. If there could have been a visual to represent the connection the sparks would have burned a city down. There was sexual tension. His kiss makes my body shiver with passion. He’s the kind of drug you can’t quit, you go to rehab but your urge to feel that high again never subsides.

I have a thing where I ask people what their favorite book is or one they recommend. I always read whatever book it is because it can tell you a lot about someone. He sat down on my bed that first night, running his fingers over the stacks of books from various authors and completed college courses piled high against one wall in my room and asked me if I had ever read Mark Danielewski’s novel House of Leaves. I didn’t even have to ask for his recommendation, which is an amazing one by the way. He walked in the second night and laid the novel on my bed.

Bad at Love

Dating in 2017 has been the absolute worst experience. I told myself on January 1 that i needed to run, run fast in the other direction but I was like oh well fuck it and I was late to work twice that day because of him. Yes, twice but it wasn’t all his fault, it was like being in love for the first time all over again. I should have never climbed in that back seat.

Since that day, I have been to court numerous times, lost my job, been robbed by a “friend,” lost another job from going to court, homeless for a short time period, unemployed since June, one boyfriend “cat-fished” me and then proposed to his long-time girlfriend with my ring, and another one had more girlfriends than Hugh Hefner himself and a baby on the way. When I say he had one on the way I mean it is December 11, 2017, and she is due in less than two months.Not only that but she lives within walking distance of me!

I have managed to dog whistle every POS within a forty mile radius of me, just in 2017. Needless to say that isn’t everything, I have plenty of shitbag stories to share but I am just happy that they are only stories and those shit bags are all in the past. One good thing is that through all of the lies, the betrayal, and a few orgasms is that I am learning more about me and who I am.

So my advice and outlook from dating every type of guy out there except a good one is to know yourself. Knowing who you are is numero uno on the priority list. This will allow you to avoid the year of hazing I have been going through because instead of climbing in the back seat and being late for work twice you will have already ran far far away. To know yourself is to know what you’re looking for in a partner and what you want to stay away from. This will not only benefit you in your dating life but every aspect of your life from friendships to career path. So get to know YOU and get YOUR shit together, once you do that you will win him over, him being the one that will complete you power team, celebrate your accomplishments with you, love your flaws because he will love you down to your core, and wipe your tears but never be the cause of them.