http://www.tripolypearl.com/our-poly-relationship/

Our Poly Relationship

 Before Us

Before our poly relationship, I made a trip up here. When I was 12 or 13, I can’t remember when exactly, I went to Indiana with my family for Thunder over Louisville. I loved it then too. There’s something about Indiana.

Sixteen years later I am now officially a resident of Indiana. I came up here a few months ago to meet Brian and Liz. I talk about it in my other blog poly blog posts. When I would come see them at the beginning of our poly relationship.

Homesick

Now I don’t even know how many times I have driven here or there. What once felt like a long ass drive is now a drive back home to visit. The drive gets shorter but I always stay too long. Really.. I like it here when I’m not homesick but I have never been this far away from my family. Some days it’s really hard. Typing it is even hard. It makes the knots form in my throat and fighting back the tears gives me a headache.

The Ups

I didn’t just fall for two people when I came up here. I fell in love with the city too. It’s not really the safest but it’s fucking beautiful. So, when my kids wanted to move here I was all for it.

They had a blast when I would bring them to visit. They even loved Brian and Liz too. So we started planning. I would search for houses and Brian and Liz would go check them out for me. They were more than helpful with it all.

Culture Shock

Things between me, Brian, and Liz aren’t what we had planned but they aren’t completely out of my plans yet. They have only ever known love and I don’t know how to love. So when I came up here things got a little rocky. Coming from a town that’s unincorporated and doesn’t have a single red light to here was a little bit of a culture shock.

The Downs

I didn’t know which way was which and I started to suffocate. I was spread too thin. They weren’t really suffocating me, it was everything. Moving two states away with two kids, trying to make a house a home, still give my kids a fun summer break, and make sure I didn’t neglect our poly relationship.

I was struggling. Constantly forcing myself to smile for my children, and make sure everyone got the attention they deserved. At times I had to fight the urge to cry because I was so homesick. There was too much pressure.

Our Poly Relationship

I moved knowing that we would all be closer together but I mainly moved so my children would have a better life. In a town with no red lights there’s not really too much for them to do for fun. Here there is something new everyday.

I don’t know what the future holds for the three of us or if our poly relationship will ever be mended. Only time will tell. Poly relationships aren’t easy and they take a lot of work. A triad is basically four relationships between three people. Seems like a lot when you think about it.

Regardless, I am still happy that I met them. I am happy to say we shared the things we have shared and I learned so much from them. It’s not often you see two people love each other the way that they do. Forever is rare and to them it comes natural.

Our Polyamorous Triad

Polyamorous relationships are still new to a lot of people. Most people outside of the poly community  don’t understand what it really means. Like monogamous ones, our polyamorous relationship has boundaries and expectations that partners will stay honest to their commitments.

Every relationship has boundaries. No one said they all have to be the same. It’s just whatever works for you and the ones you love. There’s really no perfect ‘how to’ reference on how to model any relationship.

I don’t think it’s possible to go through life and never feel the slightest bit of jealousy. Even if you’re not a “jealous person” its still bound to happen at some point in your life. Even on some subconscious  level.

But what about in a triad poly relationship? Not in the relationship but outside of it. Is that okay? Feels like a contradiction.

Brian and I have called each other out on it twice already. I don’t even remember the topic we were on when it happened but it is a little confusing to me. I mean this is my first poly relationship.

I’ve never thought much about jealousy unless someone was outrageously jealous. I mean come on… in monogamous relationships you sort of expect your partner not to show certain levels of affection to other ppl. Hints the monogamous part, it still astonishes some people. So if someone is getting jealous about their partner’s ‘not so committed actions’ it’s not really a thing you have to stop and question yourself about.

I’m sure someone will read this and say but how can you be jealous when you’re in a poly relationship?

Yes, I’m in a polyamorous relationship. Our’s is a triad relationship not open polyamorous relationship, they are different. I don’t feel any jealousy between the three of us at all.

Some people date openly, some people date separately, and some date other people together. Sure that’s true for us too but within the three of us. This triad is also long distance and I can only visit for a limited amount of time when I do go so right now it is mostly the three of us. Once circumstances change we will do more stuff separately.

I just don’t think I could handle adding people into this relationship. Dating others others outside of the three of us seems so different than what we have. Like these are my people, two of my favorite at that, and I don’t want to share. We are human and damn it we feel shit we have no control over. These emotions also feel like I’m contradicting myself. Maybe it only makes sense because Brian has spoken in his ‘not so jealous’ voice a time or two also. So I don’t feel so bad about it when I do it.

Yes our polyamorous relationship is a triad. That doesn’t mean we can’t have boundaries and commitments that we deem suitable for our relationship. Some people can handle open polyamorous and I’m not saying I can’t or that I see anything wrong with it. I’m just saying… My ‘not so jealous’ subconscious feels like it might not be comfortable having that sort of polyamorous relationship.

Poly Trips

This time last week I was getting ready to take my poly trip to meet Brian and LizAll the different emotions I was felling made the drive feel like I was on a rollercoaster the entire way up there. It was my first poly date.

Actually a double first poly date.I was completely frantic. I wasn’t just going on my first poly date with one of them but both. First dates are already intimidating to me and I usually find some way out of them at the last minute. This one was a triple threat to me. I had three first dates. It was my first poly date, my first date with Liz, and my first date with Brian. On top of that I drove three hours up there to meet them so that would have been a long drive just to abort mission and go back home.

I was nervous like I was Fergie going up for my second attempt at singing the national anthem. Just messy. 

This time around is different though. This is the second time I am getting ready to make the drive to them.  But now I am excited and cannot wait to get there. Just thinking about it makes me blush.

I can’t wait to see them in person and spend time with them. To be able to actually touch them and kiss them both.  I love talking everyday but this three-hour drive is not about  go by quick enough for me tomorrow. I will pass the time by listening to poly podcasts again probably.

The plan was originally to surprise Liz by coming up tomorrow but Brian got a little excited and let it slip…within thirty minutes. I couldn’t help but laugh. And make note of the fact that he can’t keep a secret. I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all though.

 

Echo Dot Kids Edition

 

 

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Poly Dating

Poly Dating

Poly dating is by far the best dating experience I have ever had. Having such an amazing experience with poly dating is mostly due to how absolutely fucking amazing Brian and Liz both are.

More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory

Both individually and their strengths as a couple with 20 years under them. The two of them have been so understanding and accommodating to me with this being my first poly relationship. It’s not their first experience with poly dating. It is still a learning experience for all three of us to see what works for everyone. Every relationship is different.

Monogamy

Poly dating has been completely different from any relationship or dating experience I have had before. I mean yeah obviously because they were all ‘monogamous’ but for other reasons than just that.

Before my journey started with poly dating I had never thought to stop and read a book on monogamous dating or ask different questions about the other person’s dating expectations before any sort of relationship had even really started. I just kind of went with the flow, almost always choosing what seemed to be the shittiest person that was sort of available, had a little bit of fun and then started the search over again.

But my experience with polyamorous dating has been so different. It has been better than any experience I have ever had and one that is a constant journey full of learning and self enlightenment. The relationships seem more supportive and couple eager to learn together.

 Poly Olive

The poly community has so many people who are willing to take the time to learn about what it really means to be in a polyamorous relationship. People want to learn what works and doesn’t work.  Maybe that’s one reason why my past relationships never worked. So many of them did not know what the term ‘monogamous’ meant…

Poly dating is not a ‘new thing’ but it’s still not perceived in a positive light by a majority of the population. It’s like when Olive first meets Elizabeth and William and she’s reserved at first. Then this happens and she wears that outfit with those accessories. Next thing we know there’s this confident Olive and her polyamorous lovers.

First Impressions

When I first met Liz I was a little sad when she told me she was married. This is only because of the online dating world’s over population in people who are only seeking a threesome. I’m talking about those people that approach you like you are a shelved sex toy waiting to be tossed back and forth between a husband and a wife twice your age. It even took me a few days to reply and actually have a conversation about what she was wanting. To think that I almost missed this chance… wow… let’s not even.

I have talked to both of them everyday since that night and can’t imagine a day without either one of them. I have said it before but these two really are perfect. Not perfect because they are flawless but like they were made to be a set of three and we have all been looking for each other in the wrong people. To meet two people equally intelligent, funny, and sexually adventurous is the most exciting and relaxing feeling I have ever experienced.

Poly Olive

They give me so much to look forward to. I love that both of them are so willing to learn and grow together as this companionship progresses. So many relationships fail because people get stuck in their ways and refuse to make changes that are sometimes necessary in relationships.

The Smart Girl’s Guide to Polyamory

To have people who love you in such a beautiful way and also want to help you grow mentally and grow with you is astounding. We are always sharing something with each other that we thought was notable from a book or online article poly dating. That’s one of my favorite things about them.

The past couple days I have had people messaging me about our relationship and saying such positive things. To have a person say our journey has given them hope is inspiring and makes my heart happier than I can put into words.

Lasso of Truth

I am waiting for court to start and I already have a migraine. Truth doesn’t seem to matter to anyone here. The past few months have made me realize how fucked up the corporate world is. It has also made me realize that I hope to avoid ever working for a big corporation again.

You would like to think that the work you do means something, to someone other than yourself. If you put in effort and work hard you would think that you are not the only one that can see value in your work. Well, not only your work but also you as a person.

I mean we work to live. Some live to work. Only some people value the working class as real people though.

Damn it, Karl. Everyone really is expendable.

As I sit here listening to bullshit from the opposing lawyers I can’t help but think about the other night when I went to visit Brian and Liz. I loved being there with them watching Professor Marston and The WonderWomen. Which, by the way is completely fucking amazing movie and a beautiful love story. I highly recommend everyone watching it, especially those in a polyamorous relationship.

My mind keeps going back to Wonder Woman’s Lasso of Truth.

I mean how amazing it would be to have the Lasso of Truth for one hour so these dirty suits would be forced to tell the truth. To have to admit that they have done some foul shit.

Who am I kidding though, neither of these things are about to happen, Marxism at its finest.

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Via: Movie Quotes

Along Came Poly

So I have always had this idea of what my future would be like. I’m talking about my ideal relationship. And for a long time I didn’t realize that my ideal future was poly. It really wasn’t until about a year ago that I learned about polyamorous relationships.

For me, my ideal relationship means waking up next to the loves of my life, two to be exact.

Sure, I have tried having monogamous relationships. I have dated women and men separately and I enjoyed it but there has always been something missing. I have always wanted something more. More passion, more sex, more conversation, more trust, more emotion, more of something.

Since as far back as I can remember I have always said I would love nothing more than to wake up with a man on one side and a woman on the other. And most people think threesome like my past relationships, no.

Before I even knew what polyamory was I wanted it. I wanted a companionship with both a man and woman who could equally love each other and me as much as I loved them.

Men and women love in very different ways. They have things the other doesn’t. I enjoy both and want both in my life. That’s why I say my ideal future is poly.

A polyamorous relationship provides a balance I want in life and out of love. It allows you to be loved in ways that only a man and only a woman are able to love, both with their unique qualities.

I have always wanted it and even tried to have this sort of companionship before in previous relationships but they were failed attempts or guys that just wanted to have a threesome. It has never been about that for me. I mean some people prefer the more open style dating, nothing wrong with that. Do you boo..

What I want for myself and my future is more than threesomes, hookups, or one-sided monogamy, meaningless dating. I want a companionship.

I met her online, something I never thought I would do because I am just way to shy and him not long after. They both are a shockingly amazing, brilliant, funny, sexy, and both fit the description I had for ideal partners. They are the love and balance I have always wanted.

I am going to see them this weekend and I am nervous as fuck but also can’t wait. Kind of thinking it’s going to be a long ass drive up there and then I’m going to be like of fuck I’m here and get nervous again. I am ready to be there though. I might not want to leave but they say that’s okay. They seem to be truly authentic people.

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It’s Never The Right Time

The world looks different at times. It looks different when you’re about to lose the person you love most. The one truly good person you have ever known. It’s never the right time.

It’s like living in a parallel universe.

Time moves too fast because you want more of it with them. You don’t want them to go.  Pain seems to slow time down, drag it out, make it creep along. I see her hurting so much that it is painful to watch in the sense that every ounce of me wants to hurt for her, take the pain so they don’t have to feel it. But I can’t. 

It’s crazy how much has happened this week that was happening a year ago. A year ago doctor’s said she had two months to live.

She is SO strong.

Even on her most painful days, she is still making jokes, trying to make everyone smile. I get my sense of humor from her, she is hilarious.

I look at her as the knots build in my throat to the point that it hurts to breathe and she says “what’s wrong baby”. We both know. Instead of talking about it I just lay down beside her in her hospital bed and watch trashy cable tv.

My children love her so beautifully.

My daughter comes in the door, goes straight to her for a kiss and a “hey Felicia“. Nanny always gets so tickled and responds with a “hey Felicia” and giggles every time. My son always asks to stop and pick a flower on the way to her house. He walks in after Felicia and gives Nanny the flower he picked, hugging her and telling her how pretty she looks that day.

The knots fill my throat like it’s the first time all over again.

This is something he wants to do to show his love for her, his own idea. At eight years old he has seen the way the chemo has stolen the physical identity that was his grandmother. So he reminds her that she is still that same beautiful woman we all love so dearly. She smiles every time.

As soon as they turn around to sit by her bed to watch tv with her you can see the worry in her eyes again. She has never shown fear in front of any of us. Between her kids and grandchildren there’s almost 90 of us, maybe more. Who knows what some of us have done.

In a parallel universe she would leave differently.  Probably while she was sleeping, slipping away in the middle of the night, painlessly.