It’s Never The Right Time

The world looks different at times. It looks different when you’re about to lose the person you love most. The one truly good person you have ever known. It’s never the right time.

It’s like living in a parallel universe.

Time moves too fast because you want more of it with them. You don’t want them to go.  Pain seems to slow time down, drag it out, make it creep along. I see her hurting so much that it is painful to watch in the sense that every ounce of me wants to hurt for her, take the pain so they don’t have to feel it. But I can’t. 

It’s crazy how much has happened this week that was happening a year ago. A year ago doctor’s said she had two months to live.

She is SO strong.

Even on her most painful days, she is still making jokes, trying to make everyone smile. I get my sense of humor from her, she is hilarious.

I look at her as the knots build in my throat to the point that it hurts to breathe and she says “what’s wrong baby”. We both know. Instead of talking about it I just lay down beside her in her hospital bed and watch trashy cable tv.

My children love her so beautifully.

My daughter comes in the door, goes straight to her for a kiss and a “hey Felicia“. Nanny always gets so tickled and responds with a “hey Felicia” and giggles every time. My son always asks to stop and pick a flower on the way to her house. He walks in after Felicia and gives Nanny the flower he picked, hugging her and telling her how pretty she looks that day.

The knots fill my throat like it’s the first time all over again.

This is something he wants to do to show his love for her, his own idea. At eight years old he has seen the way the chemo has stolen the physical identity that was his grandmother. So he reminds her that she is still that same beautiful woman we all love so dearly. She smiles every time.

As soon as they turn around to sit by her bed to watch tv with her you can see the worry in her eyes again. She has never shown fear in front of any of us. Between her kids and grandchildren there’s almost 90 of us, maybe more. Who knows what some of us have done.

In a parallel universe she would leave differently.  Probably while she was sleeping, slipping away in the middle of the night, painlessly.

Did you say crypto?

Okay, so I lost my job back in June of last year. The dreadful 2017, so glad we got that behind us. Anyways, I was SUPER broke. I needed to focus on my health and my finances were shit which in turn only made my health worse. I was seriously applying to so many jobs that I had applications zooming all over the internet. I couldn’t keep track of what jobs I had applied to because I was applying to so many places.

Then, I started looking for ways to make money at home. I mean why not? I was already on my laptop 23/7, okay maybe not that much but you get the point. So since I was on the computer the majority of my waking hours I figured I might as well try to make money doing it.

Turns out there’s a ton of ways to make money from your laptop! BUT the majority of them let you get two-thirds of the way through the registration and BAM, they want a credit card number. Complete bs, you’ve hit a dead-end and have to start over.

Then a friend of mine from my baby-faced days started posting on Facebook about this cryptocurrency and how he’s just got the dough rolling in. So of course I was like sign me up!! The, me being me,  I asked a ton of questions… he responded with “do your research”. He wasn’t much help at all really but at he was being honest about his profits and it being a legitimate investment.

So once again, I thought why not? And I wiggled my toes in the digital currency waters.

I started with very small investments, three to be exact. That way I wouldn’t lose too much if it flopped or maybe dude was right and I would gain enough and end up investing larger amounts in the future. Either way it wasn’t a huge amount but I way too broke not to risk it.

I invested into bitcoin, ethereum, and litecoin…don’t ask details I’m no better at supplying you with what those words mean than friend. But I can say it is worth doing your research.  I wish I would have invested sooner.

Remember me saying I was broke? Yea well, it got worse. I had to pull two of my three investments. It was that or we didn’t eat and my amazing kids aren’t so nice when they are hangry. They get that from their mama.

Of course, within weeks ethereum and litecoin prices both started climbing. And which two investments did I take out you ask? You know it!!  I had taken out both of my ethereum and litecoin investments. Major facepalm!! But I didn’t have a choice.

A lot of people hear the word “crypto” and it puts up this mental shield. We are like noooope, not me, no crypto- here…thanks Super-Man. Or at least that’s what kept happening to me. But that guy from my other post with the smile that’s good with numbers… I shouldn’t have even brought that up. Now I’m off track.

Anyways, he helped me grasp a better understanding of what some of the words actually mean. He told me to completely erase that word “crypto” and focus on the idea of digital currency. He says it’s like sending an email instead of mailing a letter. He always breaks shit down into some easier picture for me like that and at the drop of a hat too.  It’s hot!

Where was I? Oh yea…he makes it easier to grasp. Instead of saying just making the investment for me he’s actually teaching me how the digital money world works, very small pieces at a time.

Now instead of wiggling my toes in the digital currency waters I want to dive off the diving board… but I can’t. I’m still sitting at the kiddy pool learning to doggy paddle. But point is that I’m eager to do more now that I have a better understanding of the basics, he tries to teach me more but I get to looking at that smile and swoon, I forget to listen every time.

You see all these pages and links advertising how someone wants to make investments for you or tell you to “do your research” and they all want to keep a percentage. But what do you do after that? How are you going to throw me in the deep end and not teach me to swim? Okay they make the initial investment but you’re left there to drown, just as clueless as before.

Do your research before hand. You don’t need to pay someone to tell you that, I just did it for free. And hey, if you still don’t get it I know a guy with an amazing smile and a great way of explaining things. And you don’t have to wait until you have a chunk of money to invest, there’s stuff you can do to earn free coins.

You will have to download Coinbase so that you can get paid and then download the coin spinner to start earning that free digital currency. Seriously, he is the one that downloaded the app for me and we both play it daily. Once you start that I will post more ways to earn free coins.

Happy Hump Day!